Grief - Chinese style

I have missed my good friend Sky here the last couple of weeks. He is in good health, but that is not why he has been hard to find. Last year on or about July 6, Sky married a wonderful young woman named Jenny. She teaches English on the same school campus, but she is affiliated with the Chinese school, while Sky and I teach at the international one. Two weeks ago, Jenny's father was diagnosed with lung cancer. He is a young 53, and teaches Physics at a Chinese high school. He doesn't speak any English but has never failed to greet me with a big smile on the few occasions I've seen him. Like the majority of Chinese men, he smokes. And Sky, who doesn't smoke, was always grumbling about having to buy him expensive cigarettes on holidays and family occasions. It's a tradition for the son-in-laws... It has to do with respect and a means of demonstrating success - he can then offer his friends to smoke some fine tobacco with him, provided by his son-in-law.
And now it is stage 2/3 lung cancer - not having spread outside the lungs as far as I can gather. He was going to have an operation last week to remove the tumor but the doctors decided it was not advisable - the tumor has grown too large to operate on. So now he has started chemotherapy, as of today, in the hopes that it may shrink the tumor enough to allow an operation. The Chinese do not have a lot of faith in their medical system, and Sky has asked me to investigate treatment in the US. I have made a couple calls to OHSU, and come to the conclusion that getting his father-in-law over there will be a tough task and extremely expensive. Before the doctors can advise anything, they need all his records. Of course! Except they are all in Chinese... I have advised Sky of these things and he will look into it, but I think the chances of going to the US will be very slim.
But that is not what I'm really writing about this for. You see, when Sky first told me that his father-in-law had lung cancer, he told me that Jenny didn't know yet and he was going to wait a couple days before telling her. He was worried how she would take it (she is an only daughter). I thought "wow" he's not going to tell his father-in-law's daughter. But that's not the real kicker. You see, over here in China, the doctors don't even tell the patient. Sky's father-in-law didn't even know. They are afraid that telling the patient news like that will make them even sicker. So they only tell the family (in this case, the mother-in-law and Sky) and let them handle all the grief. The family tries to withhold the news from the patient as long as possible. In some cases, the sick family member may die never knowing the cause... In this case, because of the treatment needed, he had to be told. Sky said that when he finally told him, he thought he already knew. Jenny has been a basket case. Family members take on all the grief and worrying, and it is considered bad form to smile or laugh or have a good time while a family member is seriously ill. So now Sky comes in to school, teaches his classes, and immediately leaves. He has temporarily given up all his other duties. He does not even smile, and I almost felt guilty for trying to get him to crack a smile the last time I saw him. He used to text me all the time and I haven't received any from him other than a response to a question I ask him.
I guess I kind of understand their reasoning behind it all (lots of superstition - and the Chinese are nothing if not superstitious). But it is so depressing, and doesn't really seem to help anybody (from my perspective). I miss the Sky that I have grown to know, and I will only be here in Xi'an a little over a month, and it saddens me that I may never see that Sky again before I leave...
Sky is being the best son-in-law that he knows how to be, and I hope that his father-in-law will have many good years ahead of him in which to enjoy his life...

Frisbee is a dangerous sport...

... when you're sixty.
I was out yesterday doing my weekly extracurricular activity of frisbee - enjoying the cooler air that has come through the last couple days. A student threw a frisbee over my head and I went running after it - somehow tripping or falling down and landing on my left leg. Oh, it hurt! But I couldn't let on that it was killing me, and I was able to get up and slowly move so I knew nothing was broken. I think I bruised a bone in my upper thigh or something, and sleep was difficult last night but it does feel better this morning. I feel like all I need is a cane and I would be walking around like a crippled old man (wait, what is old??). Needless to say, I did not do any more frisbee-throwing or catching after that. I also lost my glasses that were in my pocket during the fall, but I didn't notice until later, back in the office. Sky said don't worry, if I lost them on the school campus, they will be found and no one will take them. I walked back to the track where we had been playing, and after searching around for a while I found them lying on a lane of the track - unharmed! Amazing...
Had some big news yesterday at school. David, our centre principal, called me into his office and gave me a letter to read. It is his resignation letter, effective at the end of this school year. He and his wife have a 3 year old son that was just diagnosed with autism (they knew something was going on), and they can't get the proper treatment and therapy here in China so they are going to his home in Scotland. They asked if I was interested in his post for next year and I couldn't get the word NO out of my mouth fast enough. It requires an extreme amount of patience and willingness to get walked on - both of which I have little in supply these days. Never wanted to be an administrator anyways...
So now they are hunting for a replacement for next year which is very challenging for our particular school because it is the only one set up in its unique way. David and I discussed all the current teachers, and we both agreed that there is only one who is a possibility but we don't know yet if he's interested. If he doesn't take the post, they'll have to recruit an outside person and everyone is afraid of that because you don't know what you're getting... They do like to move fast on these appointments, however (one of the few things they do quickly here), so we'll probably know in a week or two who will head the center next year. Good luck to that person!
Went to the Mogao Caves over the 3-day May Day holiday. It was a quick, fast turnaround trip, but I'm glad I went. It's outside the city of Dunhuang in Gansu province in northwestern China. A bunch of caves hollowed out by Buddhist monks back around 500 AD. Full of paintings and sculptures. It is desert area and was once an oasis (since dried up). It's nice to be in an area of China that is not overcrowded and full of apartment buildings. I would do it again! What it looks like on the parts where a new facade has not been added on:

There are some very pristine sand dunes around there:

You could take a ride on an ultra-light glider for about $60. I wasn't sure of the safety so I passed...

And finally, Crescent Lake which is where the old oasis is. The size of the lake has shrunk considerably in the last 50 years, and I think they add water to it to keep it there...

Here's to the last few weeks of this semester going by quickly...